How to Hands-On Strategies for Taking the Edge Off Anxiety?

Hands-On Strategies for Taking the Edge Off Anxiety

The last trending.plengdut.com post covered some ways you can reduce your anxiety by challenging it or rolling with it. This one gives you some more hands-on strategies to reduce its impact. 

It covers broad lifestyle changes you can make to turn down the volume on your negative emotions. You will also find many hands-on tips for reducing anxiety in the moment during various situations— when you’re on your own, when you’re anticipating a social interaction, and when you’re in the middle of one. 

Everything in this chapter should be a supplement to changing your overall relationship to your anxiety. As post anxiety explained, the best way to approach your anxiety is to make peace with the fact that it may appear and not rearrange your life to avoid it. 

However, from a practical standpoint, anxiety is still an unpleasant feeling, so it’s okay to try to lower its volume. The strategies presented here won’t be as useful if you let your anxiety have power over you by seeing it as something terrible you must prevent at all costs.

Make positive lifestyle changes to boost your mood 

Living a healthy lifestyle reduces the overall amount of stress and negative emotions you experience. If your day-to-day anxiety is mild, a few lifestyle changes may be all you need to reduce it to manageable levels. Even if the changes don’t fully alter your mood, they can make a significant difference. 

Other emotional issues like depression also respond well to positive lifestyle adjustments. The more of the following approaches you apply, the better. However, most people find that certain suggestions are more attractive than others, so use the ones that stand out the most to you. 

It’s beyond the scope of this book to go into detail about each of them, but plenty of other sources cover that information. Here they are:

• Deal with the legitimate problems and stresses in your life (for example, being in debt, not liking your major in college, being bothered by memories of a childhood trauma). You likely can’t fix the issues overnight, but just starting to tackle them should make you feel at least a little better. 
• Talk to other people about your troubles and get their support (friends, family, a professional counselor, a therapy group). 
• Exercise regularly. 
• Purposely fit fun, rewarding activities into your day. (Do truly fun things that make life seem richer and fuller, not mainly time-killing pursuits like flipping through TV channels.) 
• Consistently take time to relax. 
• Meditate regularly (mindfulness meditation, described in prev post, or another type). 
• Practice healthy eating habits. 
• Cut down on substances that can contribute to anxiety or depression, like caffeine and alcohol. 
• Get enough quality sleep every night. 
• Get enough sunlight every day, especially if you live somewhere with long, dark winters.

These suggestions can be extremely useful. Regular exercise alone can sometimes do as much to quell anxiety as months of therapy. However, because the ideas are so often suggested and easy to skim over, it’s common to read them and go, “Yeah, yeah, yeah. 

Exercise more. Sleep better. Got it. What else do you have for me?” If you’re not already doing them, give some serious thought to acting on several of these recommendations. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how effective they are.

Suggestions for coping with anxiety in the moment 

No matter what approach you take to dealing with your anxiety, you’ll be able to handle it better as you get more experience with it. Initially, intense anxiety is so scary and unfamiliar that it’s easy to get swept up in it without stopping to think about what’s happening or where it’s taking you. 

The first few times you get unusually nervous, it will catch you off guard. In time, you’ll develop a better understanding of your personal anxious tendencies and the course your anxiety takes when it comes on. You’ll learn to step back, know what’s coming, and apply a coping strategy. 

The following sections offer advice for dealing with anxiety when you’re on your own, before an upcoming social event, during an event, and when you’re in the middle of a social interaction.

Dealing with anxiety when you’re on your own 

You can use these approaches if nerves strike when you’re, say, sitting at home and start thinking about an upcoming party you have to attend. You shouldn’t use these strategies in the absence of shifting your overall attitude toward your anxiety, but as a spot treatment they’re fine. 

When you start to feel anxious, ride out the symptoms 

If you can be with your anxiety and not overreact to it, it will often pass on its own (for more on this, see the previous chapter’s section on mindfulness). Allowing your anxiety to play out may be uncomfortable, but it will fade. Intense bouts of anxiety often feel longer than they are, but they usually last only about five to fifteen minutes. Moderate nervous episodes of the pace-around your-house-while-worrying variety can linger longer, maybe for an hour or two. That’s more inconvenient, but ultimately only a small bit of the day.

Question the thoughts that are contributing to your anxiety 

Sometimes you’ll be too worked up to logically disarm your nerves, but at other moments, you’ll be able to calm yourself if you question the thinking that’s feeding your anxiety (see the beginning of prev.plengdut post for pointers). For example, if an episode of nerves is getting more intense because you’re thinking, “If I keep getting anxious like this, I’m going to go crazy,” you could calm down by reminding yourself that real mental illness or “craziness” doesn’t develop that way. 

Distract yourself 

You may feel too nervous to believe you can focus on something else enough to distract yourself, but if you force it, your attention will often move away from your anxiety, at least a little. You could put on some music or a movie, play a game, practice a skill, begin a text conversation with a family member, go for a walk, or throw yourself into a mentally demanding project. The breathing and relaxation techniques described in the next paragraph also have an element of distraction to them. 

Calm yourself with deep breathing 

Deep breathing puts your body into “relaxation mode,” which will help counteract your anxiety because you can’t physiologically be relaxed and keyed up at the same time. Breathing works best if you catch the anxiety early. 

The essence of deep breathing is to breathe slowly and from your abdomen. One technique is called 4-7-8 Breathing. Breathe in through your nose for four seconds. Hold the breath for seven seconds. 

Exhale through your mouth for eight seconds. The exact numbers aren’t super important. The key is that you’re thinking about your breathing while taking time to do each step, instead of breathing rapidly, and that you’re holding your breath and exhaling for twice as long as you’re inhaling. 

This technique overrides your tendency to take quick, shallow breaths when you’re nervous, which can make your physical symptoms worse by changing the ratio of carbon dioxide in the body. 

Most people will find this exercise harmless and relaxing. However, you may want to be careful if your anxiety tends to get triggered whenever you focus too much on your breathing. 

Calm yourself with progressive muscle relaxation 

This works through the same principle as deep breathing. A loose, relaxed body is incompatible with a tense, nervous one. Set some time aside, make yourself comfortable, and lie down. Take deep, slow breaths. Work your way through each of your muscles, contracting them for about five seconds and then releasing them as you exhale. You can make the exercise more effective with some creative imagery. You could picture your stress and tension as a gas being squeezed out of your muscles, or imagine your body is melting into the bed or couch. 

Put on soothing music or a recorded guided relaxation meditation 

In a guided relaxation meditation, someone’s voice guides you into a state of calm through instructions and soothing images (“You’re floating down a warm, peaceful river on a sunny day. As you exhale you feel the tension leaving your face”). There are lots of free recordings online. Do a search for “relaxation meditation” or “rain sounds” or “relaxing music.” 

Exercise 

Exercising regularly over the long term is a very effective way to reduce anxiety. It can also help in the short term by releasing mood-enhancing chemicals and letting you burn off some of your nervous energy. Any kind of exercise can do the job as long as it gets your blood pumping, even a brisk walk around your neighborhood. There’s isn’t a single correct length of time you need to exercise for. That will depend on how anxious you are and how intensely you’re exerting yourself. Listen to your body and stop when you feel yourself calming down.

Channel your anxious energy into something useful 

Sometimes you’ll get really anxious and worked up, and even if you ultimately handle it well, you may still feel amped up and on edge for a little while. Getting nervous triggers chemicals in your body and puts it into an alert state; sometimes it takes a while for all systems to return to normal. Some people take the attitude of, “Well, if I have all this extra energy, I may as well use it,” and then clean their bathroom or organize their apartment’s storage locker. 

Coping with nerves before an upcoming social event 

Anticipating an upcoming social situation can cause you to feel anxious. The types that tend to be the scariest are the ones you know you can’t back out of. You start feeling at least a little nervous as soon as you know the event will take place. The butterflies then build up more and more as the occasion gets closer. As always, you can try the previously suggested distraction and relaxation techniques or try to challenge or ride out your worries. Here are some other ideas: 

Accept that you probably won’t get rid of all your nerves 

There are things you can do that may help you feel a little better, but in the lead￾up to the event, you’ll experience a degree of nerves that you’ll have to manage as best you can. This is especially true if you’re encountering a certain situation for the first time (like a get-together with your significant other’s coworkers) or there’s something unique about this particular event. Although you have only so many options for feeling better in the short term, in the long run you may be able to put yourself in that scenario often enough that it doesn’t bother you as much. 

Prepare and practice 

You won’t be as nervous if you’re reasonably confident you’re ready for the situation. Unfortunately, it’s harder to prepare for loose, improvised social events like dates and parties than it is for predictable, performance-based ones like class presentations. 

You can semi-prepare for less structured events by coming up with questions or topics you could discuss. It may not make for the most ground-breaking few minutes of conversation, but it will help you get through an anxious patch. 

You could also devise a general strategy for approaching the event. For example, when you’re planning to attend a party, decide that first you’ll catch up with your buddies, and then you’ll ask them to introduce you to their friends so you won’t have to do it yourself. 

Then you’ll head to the backyard and try to join the people who are talking there. These kinds of preparations will never be able to account for everything that may come up, but even planning ahead a little can make you feel more on top of things. 

Another way to warm up for unstructured events is to socialize earlier in the day, ideally in a way that roughly parallels the situation you’re anxious about. For example, if you’re scheduled to hang out one-on-one with a new friend that evening, you could have coffee earlier in the day with a family member.

Coping with anxiety when you’re at a social event, but not talking to anyone 

When you’re at an event, a bout of nerves may hit you as you’re off to the side and not speaking to someone, or if you’re in a group conversation but hanging back. Here’s what you can do: 

• Ride out the symptoms: They’ll likely pass in a few minutes. 
• Use deep breathing: With other people around, you won’t be able to close your eyes and lie down, but you can still take some subtle calming breaths. 
• Put your attention on the current moment: Get your focus out of your head. If you’re in a group, really pay attention to the conversation. If you’re on the edge of a party, really take in what’s going on around you— the music, the noises, what other people are doing. 
• Jump into an interaction: It’s counterintuitive, but if you’re the kind of person who gets nervous before social interactions but is fine once you’re in them, one of the best ways to take your mind off your jitters is to get into a casual conversation with someone. At the moment, this may be easier said than done, but it could become an option in the future.

Coping with anxiety when you’re in the middle of talking to someone 

Nerves are toughest to deal with when they occur as you’re talking to someone. When anxiety hits, accept that it may interfere with that particular interaction and there’s only so much you can do about it. 

Over the long run, you may get a better handle on your anxiety so you’re less nervous in that situation, but when you’re just starting to deal with your nerves, realize it won’t go perfectly. Here are some approaches that have been covered earlier: 

• Ride out the symptoms: When you’re anxious around people, usually your nerves spike for a minute or two and then start to dissipate. If you can hang in there through the worst of it, they’ll usually go away. 
• Have some prepared questions and answers you can fall back on: When you’re anxious, you aren’t as fast at thinking on your feet. So prepare some standard getting-to-know-you questions. Likewise, practice the kinds of answers you’ve said a million times before and don’t have to think too hard about (for example, a spiel about your job or a hobby). Accept that you may indeed look nervous. 
• Accept your circumstances, and realize it doesn’t have to ruin that conversation or the entire outing. 
• Remove the pressure of trying to hide your anxiety by admitting you’re nervous. You can do this by mentioning your nervousness in an offhand, self-assured way and then get on with the interaction. Any normal person won’t care if you’re a tad anxious, especially if the jitters only last for a few moments before you find your footing. 

Realize that your outward symptoms of anxiety often aren’t as obvious as it feels they are

Symptoms like blushing are clearly visible, but others feel like they’re more obvious than they are. Even when someone is fairly panicky, it often doesn’t stand out that much to an observer. The person just looks a little tense and preoccupied. Knowing this can reassure you enough to calm down.

Be more of a listener or talker, whichever one you have an easier time with 

You may be more comfortable listening when you’re anxious. You can put on an interested face, place your attention on your conversation partner, avoid your worried thoughts, and buy yourself some time for your nerves to settle. For other people, anxiety and listening don’t go well together; all that time when they should be listening allows them to retreat into their heads and zero in on how nervous they’re feeling. Some people are actually better at riding out their anxiety when they’re doing most of the talking, likely about something they can go on about without having to think too much.

Coping with nerves while trying to do optional social behaviors 

You may find yourself anxiously on the sidelines contemplating a social move, one that makes you nervous and which you don’t have to do. These usually involve approaching people under circumstances where they might reject you, like talking to a stranger at a party or inviting someone to hang out. 

These situations create an approach-avoidance conflict. Certain factors make you want to do (approach) the behavior, like a desire to form meaningful relationships. Factors like a fear of being made fun of compel you to avoid doing the same thing. When you’re at a distance, the approach factors are stronger. 

You don’t feel as scared, and may even be eager to go ahead. As you get closer to doing the behavior, the avoidance factors kick in and often make you bail out at the last second. You may get stuck mentally when the two forces are in balance (“Okay, I’m feeling better. I’m going to talk to them. Here I go… Ah! Still too nervous! Okay, let me regroup…”). Here are some ways you can make yourself act.

Give yourself time to calm down 

If you arrive at an event where you have the option of doing a scary social action, it often helps to take time to collect yourself and let your anxiety fade somewhat. For example, when you show up at a party, you may feel too nervous to join any conversations right away. However, if you’re not too hard on yourself for being hesitant and give yourself a moment, you may soon build up the gumption to do it. This may require several cycles of “beginning to approach and bailing out at the last moment” before you finally go ahead, but if you’re patient, you’ll get there. 

Dive in before you have time to think 

This is the opposite of the “give yourself time” suggestion and can work if the optional behavior is only a little bit anxiety-inducing for you. After you arrive at the venue, start socializing before you have time for the avoidance factors to really kick in. For example, at a party, jump into a conversation with an unfamiliar group as soon as you put your coat away, if not before. Maybe that one interaction won’t go perfectly, but at least you’ll have some momentum. 

Warm up socially 

Warming up socially allows you to mentally shift from hanging out by yourself to being in a social frame of mind where you’re comfortable engaging with others. You can warm up ahead of the event by socializing earlier in the day. At the event, you can have a few quick, easy interactions before tackling the ones that make you more nervous. For example, at an Internet meet-up, you could start by chatting to the friendly organizer you already know before trying to talk to someone you’ve never met. You could continue the process by approaching some non-intimidating strangers and then moving on to more intimidating ones. (This is actually a condensed version of the gradual exposure process outlined in the next plengdut post.)

Force your hand a little 

If you’re close to being able to execute a behavior, this may be the final nudge you need. You could promise yourself a reward, like a nice meal, if you go through with it. You could tell a sympathetic friend you’ll buy them a drink if you don’t talk to anyone new at the pub that night. You could create a sense of urgency by telling yourself, “Okay, I have to leave this meet-up in half an hour, and I have to speak to at least one person before then.” What will likely happen is that you’ll still be scared for the next twenty-five minutes, but once you realize time is running out, you’ll think, “Okay, it’s now or never. I may as well just do it!” The time pressure takes away your ability to overthink things and not act. Don’t force yourself too much, however. You want to give yourself a gentle push, but still have it ultimately be your decision to act or not. A drink is one thing, but if you tell your friend with all seriousness that they can have your car if you don’t start any conversations, it’s not really a choice any longer. Any reasonable person would make themselves chat with someone new to save their car, even if they were a mess the entire time and could never do it on their own. 

Build up some courage 

You’ll usually feel a bit rusty at the start of each event during which you want to perform the anxiety-producing behavior. Even if you’ve managed to do it in the past, some of your courage will have worn off, and you’ll need to get the ball rolling again. The first few interactions you have will feel the creakiest, but then you’ll settle back into your groove. 

Don’t be too tough on yourself 

It’s easy to beat yourself up for not being brave enough to follow through on an optional social behavior. You may feel like you’re failing by hovering around a group at a pub, trying to work up the gumption to talk to them. It’s not that big a deal. It’s extremely typical for people to feel reluctant in these kinds of uncertain social situations. 

Use the principles of gradual exposure to get comfortable with your fears in the longer term 

The previous suggestions address how to get past your nerves after you’re already in the setting where you want to do the optional behavior and you just need to go for it. In the longer term, the best way to get used to the things that make you nervous is to expose yourself to them gradually. The next plengdut.com post goes into detail about this.