What Is Insecurity Social?

Insecurity

Insecurity boils down to having a low opinion of your own value (particularly in social situations), assuming other people won’t like you, and believing your flaws will keep you from meeting your goals. Like anxiety, insecurity is often a component of shyness, but it can exist on its own. You could go to a social function and be outgoing and calm, while still having thoughts like, “I’m too lame to be hanging out with this crowd,” “Everyone probably thinks I’m annoying,” or “He gave me his number and said we should hang out, but if I call, he’ll probably think I’m needy.”

Insecurity Insecurity boils down to having a low opinion of your own value (particularly in social situations), assuming other people won’t like you, and believing your flaws will keep you from meeting your goals. Like anxiety, insecurity is often a component of shyness, but it can exist on its own. You could go to a social function and be outgoing and calm, while still having thoughts like, “I’m too lame to be hanging out with this crowd,” “Everyone probably thinks I’m annoying,” or “He gave me his number and said we should hang out, but if I call, he’ll probably think I’m needy.” Insecurity doesn’t rear its ugly head only before a social interaction. You may experience some of the following thoughts during a conversation: “I’m probably screwing up.” “They think I’m annoying.” “They’ll only like me if I’m really impressive.” “They’ll only like me if I hide who I really am.” “He glanced away for a split second after I made that joke. He probably thinks I’m corny and trying too hard.” “She’s talking to me now, but it’s probably just out of politeness. She’d never want to hang out later.” When you’re facing the opportunity to pursue a friendship, these thoughts may run through your mind, causing you to second-guess whether you should reach out to the other person: “They probably don’t want to hang out again.” “If we meet and grab a coffee, they’ll realize how awkward I really am. No point in bothering.” Even after you’ve established relationships, you may feel insecure about your value to the other person: “My friends probably don’t really like me. They’re still hanging out with me only out of inertia or pity.” “She didn’t return my text right away. She hates me.” Signs of insecurity Sometimes people who are insecure show no signs of it. Some insecure people have it together on the outside, and no one would ever guess that they question their value to themselves and others. But all too often, people who are insecure subtly convey that feeling to those they’re talking to. Examples include coming across as shy, unconfident, and fearful about saying the wrong thing; trying too hard to please people and do whatever it takes to get their approval; bragging and trying too hard to impress people; acting overly outgoing and self-assured to compensate for a lack of confidence; putting others down so you’ll feel better about yourself in comparison; acting needy and clingy with friends (for example, contacting them constantly or always casually mentioning how much they mean to you and how devastated you’d be if they stopped hanging out with you); trying too hard to control your friends’ behavior and force them to be considerate toward you (for example, “I invited you to my birthday dinner, and you didn’t let me know you were coming until a week before it was happening. You should have let me know right away!”); overreacting to possible signs of rejection, either by giving up entirely, showing needy behavior (sending a bunch of increasingly frantic “u there?” texts if they don’t reply to you instantly), or being too quick to stand up for yourself and set them straight over minor issues (“You were half an hour late to my party. You have no respect for me! Don’t let it happen again”).

Insecurity doesn’t rear its ugly head only before a social interaction. You may experience some of the following thoughts during a conversation:
  • “I’m probably screwing up.” 
  • “They think I’m annoying.” 
  • “They’ll only like me if I’m really impressive.” 
  • “They’ll only like me if I hide who I really am.” 
  • “He glanced away for a split second after I made that joke. He probably thinks I’m corny and trying too hard.” 
  • “She’s talking to me now, but it’s probably just out of politeness. She’d never want to hang out later.”
When you’re facing the opportunity to pursue a friendship, these thoughts may run through your mind, causing you to second-guess whether you should reach out to the other person:
  • “They probably don’t want to hang out again.” 
  • “If we meet and grab a coffee, they’ll realize how awkward I really am. No point in bothering.”
Even after you’ve established relationships, you may feel insecure about your value to the other person:
  • “My friends probably don’t really like me. They’re still hanging out with me only out of inertia or pity.” 
  • “She didn’t return my text right away. She hates me.”

Signs of insecurity

Sometimes people who are insecure show no signs of it. Some insecure people have it together on the outside, and no one would ever guess that they question their value to themselves and others. But all too often, people who are insecure subtly convey that feeling to those they’re talking to. Examples include
  • coming across as shy, unconfident, and fearful about saying the wrong thing; 
  • trying too hard to please people and do whatever it takes to get their approval; 
  • bragging and trying too hard to impress people; acting overly outgoing and self-assured to compensate for a lack of confidence; putting others down so you’ll feel better about yourself in comparison; 
  • acting needy and clingy with friends (for example, contacting them constantly or always casually mentioning how much they mean to you and how devastated you’d be if they stopped hanging out with you); 
  • trying too hard to control your friends’ behavior and force them to be considerate toward you (for example, “I invited you to my birthday dinner, and you didn’t let me know you were coming until a week before it was happening. You should have let me know right away!”);
  • overreacting to possible signs of rejection, either by giving up entirely, showing needy behavior (sending a bunch of increasingly frantic “u there?” texts if they don’t reply to you instantly), or being too quick to stand up for yourself and set them straight over minor issues (“You were half an hour late to my party. You have no respect for me! Don’t let it happen again”).
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