What Is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety

Social anxiety Social anxiety is when you feel nervous in social situations. It has a lot in common with shyness; it leads to similar outcomes, like avoidance and impaired social performance, and is often brought on by fears about how you’ll come across to people. However, social anxiety and shyness don’t always go hand in hand. It’s possible to feel shy and inhibited at a party without feeling physically nervous. It’s also possible, but less likely, to feel anxious in a social situation without having a ton of worries or insecurities (for example, even though you know everything will turn out fine, you’re stressed about meeting your friend’s friends just because it’s a new situation and you’re generally frazzled from problems at work). With social anxiety, the nervousness can become its own problem. Mild anxiety isn’t oodles of fun, but it’s relatively easy to tolerate and push through. Physically it doesn’t feel that different from excitement. You may feel a little amped up and jittery or have some minor sweating, blushing, or butterflies in the stomach. Moderate anxiety is another story. Besides your fear levels being higher, it can cause unpleasant bodily symptoms like nausea, trembling, dizziness, hot flashes, heart palpitations, and a need to use the bathroom. Severe anxiety—that is, a panic attack—is downright terrifying. You feel incredibly bad physically, you have an intense urge to escape, and you often think you’re going to die or go crazy. Acknowledging social fears If a social situation made you anxious, a completely understandable reaction would be to become scared of it and want to steer clear of it in the future. Stronger anxiety can also lead you to develop a second-order fear that your anxiety is obvious and noticeable, which in turn can cause you to fear being rejected; you may worry that everyone will be put off by your looking like a shaky wreck, or that you’ll do something humiliating, like throw up or freak out in public. As with shyness, social anxiety can crop up in most social situations or be specific to a particular one. These more specific fears may be the same as the ones a shy person has (for example, meeting new people). Socially anxious people can develop other types of specific fears. First, they may get nervous and self-conscious in day-to-day situations where they feel people are watching or evaluating them, such as eating in front of their friends, writing in view of others, working out at the gym, or, for men, using a urinal with other guys around. Second, they may develop a fear of situations where they’re “trapped.” In situations where people feel trapped, they worry that if they were to become really anxious, they’d draw attention to themselves and perhaps become a laughing-stock (for example, sitting in the middle seat of a crowded movie theater, getting a haircut, riding the subway). The problem is that this is all self-reinforcing. You develop a fear of fear. When you’re worried about getting anxious, you’re almost guaranteed to bring on the very nervousness you want to avoid. It’s one more obstacle to improving socially. If you go to a party, you’re so preoccupied with managing your nerves that trying to connect with anyone gets pushed to the back burner. Overcoming avoidance It’s no picnic when your nerves screw up your conversation in the moment, so you may choose to avoid interactions that may be difficult or unpleasant for you. However, over the long run, the avoidance that anxiety encourages is more damaging. Avoiding something that scares you prevents you from feeling bad in the short term, but often runs counter to your long-term interests. Anxiety is manageable if you’re afraid of some obscure scenario, but it’s another story if you feel nervous about day-to-day social situations that you want to be involved in. A key to handling anxiety is to break the avoidance habit. Avoiding something you fear plays into a vicious cycle, which strengthens your anxiety. Whenever you avoid a situation, the relief you feel reinforces the behavior and cements the idea that you dodged something truly dangerous. Avoidance can make you miss out on important parts of life when you try to prevent yourself from ever feeling uncomfortable. You can end up rearranging your days into a lonely, sterile rut. It’s one thing to feel blatantly nervous and cancel on a dinner party or decide against trying to start a conversation with a classmate. However, anxiety can be a lot more subtle when it comes to avoiding social situations. People sometimes have a hard time admitting that they’re not doing something because it makes them uneasy, and anxiety is great at providing reasonable-sounding excuses and rationalizations. Anxiety can make you think you truly aren’t interested in an activity when the situation really just scares you. You can be about to leave for a get-together when you start thinking, “You know what? I really should study tonight instead.” Subtle anxiety can also appear as procrastination. You really want to join that running club, but you’ve been putting it off for the past six months because it’s never the perfect time. Safety behaviors allow you to partially avoid a situation. These behaviors shelter you from the full brunt of an anxiety-provoking situation. For example, if you feel off-balance at parties, you may drink a lot to dull your nerves and have a ready-made excuse for any gaffes you make. Safety behaviors can also be more understated. If you’re mildly anxious in social situations, you may be able to have conversations, but only when you stick to neutral topics, keep the focus on the other person, and don’t reveal any deeper personal information about yourself. If you have trouble with specific symptoms like blushing or nausea, you may wear your hair in a way that covers more of your face or always carry some stomach-soothing medication around “just in case.” Social Anxiety Disorder Shyness is a fairly common, if inconvenient trait. Everyone feels socially anxious at times. However, if you experience anxiety in social situations often or intensely enough that it interferes with your life, a professional could decide a diagnosis of Social Anxiety Disorder / Social Phobia is appropriate. Here are the criteria for it from the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders: DSM-5 Criteria for Social Anxiety Disorder Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others. Examples include social interactions (for example, having a conversation, meeting unfamiliar people), being observed (for example, eating or drinking), and performing in front of others (for example, giving a speech). The individual fears that he or she will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that will be negatively evaluated (that is, will be humiliating and embarrassing; will lead to rejection or offend others). The social situations almost always provoke fear or anxiety. The social situations are avoided or endured with intense fear or anxiety. The fear or anxiety is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the social situation and to the sociocultural context. The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is persistent, typically lasting for 6 months or more. The fear, anxiety, or avoidance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning. The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (for example, a drug of abuse, a medication) or another medical condition. The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is not better explained by the symptoms of another mental disorder, such as panic disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, or autism spectrum disorder. If another medical condition (for example, Parkinson’s disease, obesity, disfigurement from burns or injury) is present, the fear, anxiety, or avoidance is clearly unrelated or is excessive. To be diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, your nervousness in social situations has to be at least moderate. There are degrees of severity within the condition. Someone with a mild version of it may feel quite uncomfortable in social situations, but is still able to be functional. In severe cases, people never leave their house, only socialize with family, and panic if they have to speak to anyone else. If you suspect you have Social Anxiety Disorder, make an appointment to see a professional and get their opinion on what steps to take next.

Social anxiety is when you feel nervous in social situations. It has a lot in common with shyness; it leads to similar outcomes, like avoidance and impaired social performance, and is often brought on by fears about how you’ll come across to people. 

However, social anxiety and shyness don’t always go hand in hand. It’s possible to feel shy and inhibited at a party without feeling physically nervous. It’s also possible, but less likely, to feel anxious in a social situation without having a ton of worries or insecurities (for example, even though you know everything will turn out fine, you’re stressed about meeting your friend’s friends just because it’s a new situation and you’re generally frazzled from problems at work). 

With social anxiety, the nervousness can become its own problem. Mild anxiety isn’t oodles of fun, but it’s relatively easy to tolerate and push through. Physically it doesn’t feel that different from excitement. You may feel a little amped up and jittery or have some minor sweating, blushing, or butterflies in the stomach. 

Moderate anxiety is another story. Besides your fear levels being higher, it can cause unpleasant bodily symptoms like nausea, trembling, dizziness, hot flashes, heart palpitations, and a need to use the bathroom. Severe anxiety—that is, a panic attack—is downright terrifying. You feel incredibly bad physically, you have an intense urge to escape, and you often think you’re going to die or go crazy.

Acknowledging social fears If a social situation made you anxious, a completely understandable reaction would be to become scared of it and want to steer clear of it in the future. Stronger anxiety can also lead you to develop a second-order fear that your anxiety is obvious and noticeable, which in turn can cause you to fear being rejected; you may worry that everyone will be put off by your looking like a shaky wreck, or that you’ll do something humiliating, like throw up or freak out in public. As with shyness, social anxiety can crop up in most social situations or be specific to a particular one. 

These more specific fears may be the same as the ones a shy person has (for example, meeting new people). Socially anxious people can develop other types of specific fears. First, they may get nervous and self-conscious in day-to-day situations where they feel people are watching or evaluating them, such as eating in front of their friends, writing in view of others, working out at the gym, or, for men, using a urinal with other guys around. 

Second, they may develop a fear of situations where they’re “trapped.” In situations where people feel trapped, they worry that if they were to become really anxious, they’d draw attention to themselves and perhaps become a laughing-stock (for example, sitting in the middle seat of a crowded movie theater, getting a haircut, riding the subway). The problem is that this is all self-reinforcing. You develop a fear of fear. 

When you’re worried about getting anxious, you’re almost guaranteed to bring on the very nervousness you want to avoid. It’s one more obstacle to improving socially. If you go to a party, you’re so preoccupied with managing your nerves that trying to connect with anyone gets pushed to the back burner.

Overcoming avoidance

It’s no picnic when your nerves screw up your conversation in the moment, so you may choose to avoid interactions that may be difficult or unpleasant for you. However, over the long run, the avoidance that anxiety encourages is more damaging. 

Avoiding something that scares you prevents you from feeling bad in the short term, but often runs counter to your long-term interests. Anxiety is manageable if you’re afraid of some obscure scenario, but it’s another story if you feel nervous about day-to-day social situations that you want to be involved in. 

A key to handling anxiety is to break the avoidance habit. Avoiding something you fear plays into a vicious cycle, which strengthens your anxiety. Whenever you avoid a situation, the relief you feel reinforces the behavior and cements the idea that you dodged something truly dangerous. 

Avoidance can make you miss out on important parts of life when you try to prevent yourself from ever feeling uncomfortable. You can end up rearranging your days into a lonely, sterile rut. It’s one thing to feel blatantly nervous and cancel on a dinner party or decide against trying to start a conversation with a classmate. 

However, anxiety can be a lot more subtle when it comes to avoiding social situations. People sometimes have a hard time admitting that they’re not doing something because it makes them uneasy, and anxiety is great at providing reasonable-sounding excuses and rationalizations. 

Anxiety can make you think you truly aren’t interested in an activity when the situation really just scares you. You can be about to leave for a get-together when you start thinking, “You know what? I really should study tonight instead.” Subtle anxiety can also appear as procrastination. 

You really want to join that running club, but you’ve been putting it off for the past six months because it’s never the perfect time. Safety behaviors allow you to partially avoid a situation. These behaviors shelter you from the full brunt of an anxiety-provoking situation. 

For example, if you feel off-balance at parties, you may drink a lot to dull your nerves and have a ready-made excuse for any gaffes you make. Safety behaviors can also be more understated. 

If you’re mildly anxious in social situations, you may be able to have conversations, but only when you stick to neutral topics, keep the focus on the other person, and don’t reveal any deeper personal information about yourself. If you have trouble with specific symptoms like blushing or nausea, you may wear your hair in a way that covers more of your face or always carry some stomach-soothing medication around “just in case.”

Social Anxiety Disorder

Shyness is a fairly common, if inconvenient trait. Everyone feels socially anxious at times. However, if you experience anxiety in social situations often or intensely enough that it interferes with your life, a professional could decide a diagnosis of Social Anxiety Disorder / Social Phobia is appropriate. Here are the criteria for it from the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders:

DSM-5 Criteria for Social Anxiety Disorder

  1. Marked fear or anxiety about one or more social situations in which the individual is exposed to possible scrutiny by others. Examples include social interactions (for example, having a conversation, meeting unfamiliar people), being observed (for example, eating or drinking), and performing in front of others (for example, giving a speech).
  2. The individual fears that he or she will act in a way or show anxiety symptoms that will be negatively evaluated (that is, will be humiliating and embarrassing; will lead to rejection or offend others).
  3. The social situations almost always provoke fear or anxiety.
  4. The social situations are avoided or endured with intense fear or anxiety.
  5. The fear or anxiety is out of proportion to the actual threat posed by the social situation and to the sociocultural context.
  6. The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is persistent, typically lasting for 6 months or more.
  7. The fear, anxiety, or avoidance causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
  8. The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is not attributable to the physiological effects of a substance (for example, a drug of abuse, a medication) or another medical condition.
  9. The fear, anxiety, or avoidance is not better explained by the symptoms of another mental disorder, such as panic disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, or autism spectrum disorder.
If another medical condition (for example, Parkinson’s disease, obesity, disfigurement from burns or injury) is present, the fear, anxiety, or avoidance is clearly unrelated or is excessive.

To be diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder, your nervousness in social situations has to be at least moderate. There are degrees of severity within the condition. Someone with a mild version of it may feel quite uncomfortable in social situations, but is still able to be functional. In severe cases, people never leave their house, only socialize with family, and panic if they have to speak to anyone else. If you suspect you have Social Anxiety Disorder, make an appointment to see a professional and get their opinion on what steps to take next.
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