How To Making Friends in Particular Situations?

Making Friends in Particular Situations

Up to this point, this section has covered a general structure for how to make friends. Here are some additional suggestions for two situations that people commonly have trouble with: making friends in college, and making friends as an adult, after university, or when you’re in a new city. 
Making Friends in Particular Situations Up to this point, this section has covered a general structure for how to make friends. Here are some additional suggestions for two situations that people commonly have trouble with: making friends in college, and making friends as an adult, after university, or when you’re in a new city. Making friends in college The college environment is one of the easiest places to make friends. You’re surrounded by thousands of peers, most of whom are open to meeting people. Of course, that statement can seem like a slap in the face if you’re at university and struggling with your social life. Students have two main problems with making friends in college: They fell into their friendships in high school and don’t know how to deliberately make new ones. They feel like everyone effortlessly made friends during the first few weeks of school, but they didn’t, and they don’t know how to form a social circle after missing that window. Making friends during day-to-day college life is mostly a matter of following the concepts laid out in the previous chapters. Meet people in your classes, at your dorm, through clubs and student associations, and at any part-time jobs you may have. Take the initiative to invite possible friends out, then try to continue to see them so the relationship can develop. Of course, if you have problems with shyness or making conversation, you need to put some time into tackling those issues too. Suggestions for making friends during your first few weeks of college When you begin university, you aren’t the only person who doesn’t know anyone. Most of the other students have left their friends and family behind too, and need to make new friends. Here’s how to more easily meet and get to know them: Realize pretty much everyone feels a little nervous, unsure of themselves, and overwhelmed when starting college. Most people are just putting on a brave face because they mistakenly assume everyone else has their act together. Get to know some people before the school year starts. If you go to an information session in the months leading up to the first semester, get people’s contact info and keep in touch with them. If your major has a group on a social network, reach out to some of your soon-to-be classmates through it. If you’re in town a few days before school starts, arrange to meet up with anyone who’s also around. If it’s feasible, try to get familiar with the campus and surrounding area ahead of time. You’ll feel more comfortable once school starts, and you’ll be able to start a few conversations by offering to help other students find their way around. If it’s a realistic option for you and you really want to get some practice with the university experience, go backpacking in another country beforehand and stay in hostels. The hostel life is similar to living in a dorm, both practically and socially. Go to as many Orientation Week events as you can. You’ll meet a lot of people, especially ones from your faculty. The rowdy, party-centric atmosphere of the first week isn’t for everyone, but there should be some non–drinking-related events. If you’re not into partying, you won’t be the only one, and you can seek out other students who are on the same page. If you live in a residence hall, get to know the people on your floor. Go door to door and introduce yourself, or hang around the lounge and talk to whoever comes in. Drop in to visit your neighbors on the floors above and below you too. If you live at home or off-campus, hang around school as much as you can. You can’t meet new people if you’re always holed up in your own place. Chat to whoever you want to. The first few weeks are a social free-for-all, and no one is going to look sideways at someone who’s being outgoing and trying to meet people. Realize it’s okay to tag along with groups of people or to go to Orientation Week events alone. The group you’re going with probably just met a few days ago, so it’s not like you’re intruding on their clique. If you head to an event alone, you can start conversations with whomever you want because the whole point of them is for people to mingle. One or two of your fellow students may be vague acquaintances from your high school. If you weren’t that close to them back then, chances are it’s not going to be any different now. You have many other prospects, and it’s better to put your energy into pursuing them instead. Don’t give up if you haven’t found a group of friends after the first few weeks After the first few weeks of school have passed, you may think that everyone’s social circles are solidified, so it will be harder to make friends. Yes, the atmosphere where everyone is open to making friends with everyone else dies down after the first month. However, that doesn’t mean that every new social circle is completely locked. Groups are usually open to new members who are likable and who bring something to the table. More important, the social circles that people fall into during the first few weeks of university sometimes don’t last that long. They can form because everyone is antsy get into some sort of group and will link up with the first batch of people they meet. In the months that follow, these circles can drift apart as everyone realizes they aren’t that well matched. Making friends as an adult, after university, or when you’ve moved to a new city for a reason other than to go to college These circumstances are lumped together because they’re similar and the advice for dealing with them is the same. In each case, it’s no longer as easy to meet people as it was in school. You’re no longer surrounded by classmates who have lots of time to devote to socializing. As people get older, they become busier with their careers, families, and homes, and they have less time to spend hanging out with their current friends or meeting new ones. They also have higher standards and a clearer idea of what they’re looking for in a new friend. This isn’t to say it’s impossible to make friends when you’re new in town or when you’re in your forties. You just need to work harder at it, and you shouldn’t get too discouraged if everything doesn’t slide into place after a few weeks. Get what you can from your job or existing contacts If you’re lucky enough to have a job that’s a source of potential friends, take advantage of that as much as possible. Do you have coworkers you get along with, but whom you don’t hang out with outside of work? Maybe they’d be up for doing something one weekend. Just because you’re out of school, new to town, or older doesn’t necessarily mean you have no existing social connections. Even if you’ve moved somewhere far away, you may have a past acquaintance or relative in the area. Maybe you could meet that old buddy for lunch and be introduced to their friends soon after. Pursue your hobbies as a way to meet people When you’re in university, you can meet lots of friends through your classes, living arrangements, and part-time jobs. If you meet anyone through a hobby it’s almost a bonus. After college is over, your interests become a lot more central to your social life. People who have a lot of social hobbies have an easier time making friends. If they’re settling down in a new city, it’s natural for them to join a bunch of teams, get involved with a theater group, or start volunteering somewhere. Before long, they have a social circle. It’s harder for people who have more solitary interests like reading, watching movies, or going for long hikes by themselves. Consider getting some more social hobbies if you don’t already have any. You don’t need to totally overhaul your personality or all of your pastimes, but tweak how you spend your time so you can meet as many friends as you’d like. Do more activities outside of the house. Find a way to use your existing hobbies to put you in contact with more people. For example, if you normally exercise at home, join a class or running club. If you like reading about new ideas, attend some free talks or seminars, or join a book discussion club. If you like stand-up comedy, see if there are any Internet meet-ups where fans can arrange to go to shows together. Be more active about seizing opportunities with potential friends When you’re in college, you can afford to be a bit lazy about making friends. If you meet someone you get along with in one of your classes but don’t pursue the relationship as hard as you could have, it’s not the end of the world. You’ll probably see them again in the next eight weeks. And if it doesn’t work out with them, there are tons of other prospects. When you’re no longer in college, the opportunities don’t pop up as often. You have to be a little more on top of things when it comes to following up with people you hit it off with. Sure, at your job or at the start of a league’s season, you can drag your feet, but there will often be times when you’ll meet a possible friend only once or twice, and if you don’t jump on the chance, you’ll lose it. A lot of hobby-related venues like dance classes or rock-climbing gyms have people who only drop in a handful of times and then move on. When you meet a person you could imagine yourself being friends with and there’s a chance you may not cross paths with them again, be more active about getting their contact information. Then follow up on the lead fairly quickly. Expand the range of people you could possibly be friends with When you’re still in high school and college, you mostly form friendships with people around your age and from a similar background. As you move through adulthood, the range of people you meet and could hang out with increases. Don’t be too quick to dismiss someone who’s older or younger because they don’t fit what you imagined your social circle would look like. Just because someone’s age is a decade up or down from yours doesn’t automatically mean you have nothing in common, or that they’re silly and immature, or stodgy and out of touch. Don’t assume someone with a different background is from a totally different world and could never be into the same things you are. Look at everyone on a case-by-case basis.

Making friends in college 

The college environment is one of the easiest places to make friends. You’re surrounded by thousands of peers, most of whom are open to meeting people. Of course, that statement can seem like a slap in the face if you’re at university and struggling with your social life. Students have two main problems with making friends in college: 
  • They fell into their friendships in high school and don’t know how to deliberately make new ones. 
  • They feel like everyone effortlessly made friends during the first few weeks of school, but they didn’t, and they don’t know how to form a social circle after missing that window. 
Making friends during day-to-day college life is mostly a matter of following the concepts laid out in the previous chapters. Meet people in your classes, at your dorm, through clubs and student associations, and at any part-time jobs you may have. Take the initiative to invite possible friends out, then try to continue to see them so the relationship can develop. Of course, if you have problems with shyness or making conversation, you need to put some time into tackling those issues too.

Suggestions for making friends during your first few weeks of college 

When you begin university, you aren’t the only person who doesn’t know anyone. Most of the other students have left their friends and family behind too, and need to make new friends. Here’s how to more easily meet and get to know them: 
  • Realize pretty much everyone feels a little nervous, unsure of themselves, and overwhelmed when starting college. Most people are just putting on a brave face because they mistakenly assume everyone else has their act together. 
  • Get to know some people before the school year starts. If you go to an information session in the months leading up to the first semester, get people’s contact info and keep in touch with them. If your major has a group on a social network, reach out to some of your soon-to-be classmates through it. If you’re in town a few days before school starts, arrange to meet up with anyone who’s also around. 
  • If it’s feasible, try to get familiar with the campus and surrounding area ahead of time. You’ll feel more comfortable once school starts, and you’ll be able to start a few conversations by offering to help other students find their way around. 
  • If it’s a realistic option for you and you really want to get some practice with the university experience, go backpacking in another country beforehand and stay in hostels. The hostel life is similar to living in a dorm, both practically and socially. 
  • Go to as many Orientation Week events as you can. You’ll meet a lot of people, especially ones from your faculty. The rowdy, party-centric atmosphere of the first week isn’t for everyone, but there should be some non–drinking-related events. If you’re not into partying, you won’t be the only one, and you can seek out other students who are on the same page. 
  • If you live in a residence hall, get to know the people on your floor. Go door to door and introduce yourself, or hang around the lounge and talk to whoever comes in. Drop in to visit your neighbors on the floors above and below you too. 
  • If you live at home or off-campus, hang around school as much as you can. You can’t meet new people if you’re always holed up in your own place. 
  • Chat to whoever you want to. The first few weeks are a social free-for-all, and no one is going to look sideways at someone who’s being outgoing and trying to meet people. 
  • Realize it’s okay to tag along with groups of people or to go to Orientation Week events alone. The group you’re going with probably just met a few days ago, so it’s not like you’re intruding on their clique. If you head to an event alone, you can start conversations with whomever you want because the whole point of them is for people to mingle. 
  • One or two of your fellow students may be vague acquaintances from your high school. If you weren’t that close to them back then, chances are it’s not going to be any different now. You have many other prospects, and it’s better to put your energy into pursuing them instead. 

Don’t give up if you haven’t found a group of friends after the first few weeks 

After the first few weeks of school have passed, you may think that everyone’s social circles are solidified, so it will be harder to make friends. Yes, the atmosphere where everyone is open to making friends with everyone else dies down after the first month. However, that doesn’t mean that every new social circle is completely locked. Groups are usually open to new members who are likable and who bring something to the table. 

More important, the social circles that people fall into during the first few weeks of university sometimes don’t last that long. They can form because everyone is antsy get into some sort of group and will link up with the first batch of people they meet. In the months that follow, these circles can drift apart as everyone realizes they aren’t that well matched. 

Making friends as an adult, after university, or when you’ve moved to a new city for a reason other than to go to college 

These circumstances are lumped together because they’re similar and the advice for dealing with them is the same. In each case, it’s no longer as easy to meet people as it was in school. You’re no longer surrounded by classmates who have lots of time to devote to socializing. As people get older, they become busier with their careers, families, and homes, and they have less time to spend hanging out with their current friends or meeting new ones. They also have higher standards and a clearer idea of what they’re looking for in a new friend. This isn’t to say it’s impossible to make friends when you’re new in town or when you’re in your forties. You just need to work harder at it, and you shouldn’t get too discouraged if everything doesn’t slide into place after a few weeks. 

Get what you can from your job or existing contacts 

If you’re lucky enough to have a job that’s a source of potential friends, take advantage of that as much as possible. Do you have coworkers you get along with, but whom you don’t hang out with outside of work? Maybe they’d be up for doing something one weekend. Just because you’re out of school, new to town, or older doesn’t necessarily mean you have no existing social connections. Even if you’ve moved somewhere far away, you may have a past acquaintance or relative in the area. Maybe you could meet that old buddy for lunch and be introduced to their friends soon after. 

Pursue your hobbies as a way to meet people 

When you’re in university, you can meet lots of friends through your classes, living arrangements, and part-time jobs. If you meet anyone through a hobby it’s almost a bonus. After college is over, your interests become a lot more central to your social life. People who have a lot of social hobbies have an easier time making friends. 

If they’re settling down in a new city, it’s natural for them to join a bunch of teams, get involved with a theater group, or start volunteering somewhere. Before long, they have a social circle. It’s harder for people who have more solitary interests like reading, watching movies, or going for long hikes by themselves. 

Consider getting some more social hobbies if you don’t already have any. You don’t need to totally overhaul your personality or all of your pastimes, but tweak how you spend your time so you can meet as many friends as you’d like. Do more activities outside of the house. Find a way to use your existing hobbies to put you in contact with more people. 

For example, if you normally exercise at home, join a class or running club. If you like reading about new ideas, attend some free talks or seminars, or join a book discussion club. If you like stand-up comedy, see if there are any Internet meet-ups where fans can arrange to go to shows together. 

Be more active about seizing opportunities with potential friends 

When you’re in college, you can afford to be a bit lazy about making friends. If you meet someone you get along with in one of your classes but don’t pursue the relationship as hard as you could have, it’s not the end of the world. You’ll probably see them again in the next eight weeks. 

And if it doesn’t work out with them, there are tons of other prospects. When you’re no longer in college, the opportunities don’t pop up as often. You have to be a little more on top of things when it comes to following up with people you hit it off with. Sure, at your job or at the start of a league’s season, you can drag your feet, but there will often be times when you’ll meet a possible friend only once or twice, and if you don’t jump on the chance, you’ll lose it. 

A lot of hobby-related venues like dance classes or rock-climbing gyms have people who only drop in a handful of times and then move on. When you meet a person you could imagine yourself being friends with and there’s a chance you may not cross paths with them again, be more active about getting their contact information. Then follow up on the lead fairly quickly. 

Expand the range of people you could possibly be friends with 

When you’re still in high school and college, you mostly form friendships with people around your age and from a similar background. As you move through adulthood, the range of people you meet and could hang out with increases. Don’t be too quick to dismiss someone who’s older or younger because they don’t fit what you imagined your social circle would look like. Just because someone’s age is a decade up or down from yours doesn’t automatically mean you have nothing in common, or that they’re silly and immature, or stodgy and out of touch. Don’t assume someone with a different background is from a totally different world and could never be into the same things you are. Look at everyone on a case-by-case basis.
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