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"There is always a gap between the self we think we present, and the way others see us." Douglas Stone & Sheila Heen,
Learn Your Blind Spots
Blind spots are things we don't see about ourselves, but others do. The biggest personal transformations and breakthroughs in leadership come from doing the work to know ourselves more. On the other hand, what we don't know about ourselves our blind spots can hinder our success. Here are examples of the feedback questions you ask:
- What do you see as my strengths?
- What do you see as my weaknesses?
- What do you think others say about me when I'm not around?
When you understood that others see you as unapproachable that was huge. Being unapproachable is not your intention. You want to seek connection and acceptance from others. You see that your desire did not match your facial expression. Now that you understand this about yourself, you will be more aware of your expressions and try to smile, make eye contact, and acknowledge people. You also tell friends and colleagues this is your go-to face, and not to make it mean anything. Learning this blind spot allows you to see yourself in the world and to show up the way you intend. You too can learn your blind spots. Asking for feedback from others is your mirror to seeing what you can't see. Learning our blind spots can be painful. Don't ask for feedback when you're emotional or vulnerable. It's also best to ask for feedback in doses and specific to one thing at a time.
Recognize Your Limiting Belief
Like blind spots, we can also have a limiting belief about ourselves and our abilities. Often this limiting belief is hidden from us because we are not conscious of it. We all have some form of the limiting belief "I'm not good enough." This limiting belief can put a ceiling on our success and keep our expectations low. Often, there is a negative event that happens when we are young children that triggers us to make a decision about who we are. This decision becomes a core belief about ourselves. Then we set out to either prove or disprove this belief. Your core limiting belief shows up as "I'm not smart enough." You find your limiting beliefs by reflecting on the stories you hear about yourself.
You carry the belief "I'm not smart enough" with me into early adulthood. As you recognize this limiting belief, you realize you were out to prove that you were smart enough. You graduated from college at 20 with a 3.2 GPA. Even with your early successes, you believed there was a limit to what you could do or be. Now, each time your limiting belief shows up you can choose not to let it stop you. You might also have a belief about yourself that limits you. Once you recognize the belief, you can do the work to understand it and identify what incident may have prompted it. One way to recognize your limiting belief is to listen to your self-talk. Is there a common criticism you have of yourself? Was there an event when you first decided you weren't good enough? You can have great breakthroughs in your work and life when you can recognize and understand the limiting belief that has been hidden from you. This is because you can now choose to no longer let your limiting belief stop you.
Evaluate Your Leadership Strengths and Leadership Weaknesses
When we know our strengths, we can leverage them and build upon them. We can also grow and become better leaders when we understand our weaknesses or what's hidden from us. When we work from our strengths and self-knowledge, we can find true success.
According to Peter F. Drucker in Managing Oneself, most people get it wrong when they think they understand what their strengths and weaknesses are. Like our blind spots, the best way to learn our strengths and weaknesses is from feedback. When we ask for feedback from others, it's important we learn how to receive feedback well. It can be hard for us to receive feedback. We want to learn about ourselves, so we can grow as leaders, but we also want others to accept us as we are. Receiving feedback well is a skill we can learn and one that gets easier the more we practice it. It's like building a muscle. Here are a few tips on how to receive feedback:
- Invite feedback in a way that leaves you in control. Ask for specific feedback. "What do you see me doing or failing to do, that is getting in my own way?"
- Understand the feedback. Have you heard this observation before? Be open and consider the feedback could shine a light on a blind spot. Get a second opinion from someone you trust. Most of our close friends are afraid of giving us their honest opinion because they want to support us and don't want to hurt our feelings. Choose someone you have a strong relationship with and trust. Tell them you want them to be honest.
- Have the right attitude, be in the right space, and be prepared to receive the feedback. When you read or hear feedback, give yourself time to let it sink in. Don't respond right away. Ask any clarifying questions. Sit with the feedback for a while. You'll be less defensive than if you responded right away. Also, you don't always have to accept the feedback.
- Find out how sensitive you are to feedback. If you're more sensitive, then harsh and direct feedback can be upsetting. If you're not sensitive to feedback, then you'll require the person to be more direct. When you ask for feedback, share which type you are, and ask the person to tailor the feedback.
- Be open-minded to the feedback you've asked for. Show openness through your behavior, the look on your face, and your verbal response. If you show you're open to the feedback, the person is likely to continue to give you honest direct feedback. If you're defensive, they will be less likely to be comfortable giving you additional feedback.
Practice these steps on asking for and receiving feedback. You will soon be on your way to increasing your self-knowledge. Another advantage of asking for and receiving feedback well is you will gain trust and respect from the people you work with. They will also be more willing to continue to give you feedback, which is key to your growth and development.
Are You An Introvert Or Extrovert?
Also important for knowing ourselves is to understand if we are an introvert or extrovert. Both extroverts and introverts have their particular exceptional strengths. The biggest difference between introverts and extroverts relates to stimulation. Introverts have a lower tolerance for stimulation, such as the noise level or number of people in a room. Introverts do better in low-stimulation environments. For example, after a long day exposed to high stimulation, introverts may want to recharge with a quiet evening at home. Extroverts get energy from high-stimulus environments and go stir-crazy if they spend too much time alone or in a quiet space. For introverts, too much stimulation can impact their ability to draw upon short- or long-term memories. This means they can have a difficult time thinking on their feet.
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| One of the best examples of the difference between introverts and extroverts is with public speaking. Public speaking can include sharing ideas in a team meeting or presenting to a large group. Another difference between introverts and extroverts is the need for introverts to think alone and extroverts to think out loud. The key strengths of introverts are their ability to listen well and make observations. Introverts are also good at complex problem-solving. In a team environment, an introvert can help the team strategize, think deeply, and solve problems. Like being able to think on their feet, the key strengths of extroverts are their ability to socialize and network with others, speak in front of large groups, and take risks. |
Assess Your Emotional Intelligence
In the quest to know ourselves, we cannot leave out emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is our ability to handle emotions well. It's our ability to identify and monitor emotions, either our own or others', and to use those emotions to guide our thinking and behavior. People with high emotional intelligence or EQ can outperform individuals with a high IQ. We can improve our emotional intelligence, whereas people are often stuck with their IQ after they reach adulthood. Emotional Intelligence offer tips you can use to improve your emotional intelligence. There are four tips for EQ skill organized as: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. "Self-Awareness: Your ability to accurately perceive your emotions and stay aware of them as they happen. This includes knowing how to deal with certain conditions and certain individuals."
- "Self-Management: Your ability to use awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and positively direct your behavior. This refers handling your emotional feedbacks to all circumstances and people."
- "Social Awareness: Your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and get what is really going on. This means knowing what other individuals are feeling and thinking, even though you do not feel the that way."
- "Relationship Management: Your ability to use awareness of your emotions and the emotions of others to manage interactions successfully. Letting emotional mindfulness direct clear communication as well as effective management of conflict."
Leadership Drivers
It takes practice to improve your emotional intelligence. As team leader, we have plenty of opportunities to practice, whether we're working one-on-one or with our team. To find out your emotional intelligence score and areas to improve, take the assessment. Drivers focus on seven aspects of leadership of development and pay huge dividends in your ability to make things happen in your leadership position. You will be able to get more things accomplished in a more efficient and thoughtful way. As a leader coach, you find that focusing on these seven areas is the most impactful action you can take in growing effective leaders who achieve their goals. These high leverage leadership attributes and how great leaders embody them. Throughout the journey of learning about and reflecting upon these Drivers you too will determine upon which of the attributes you would like to focus your growth. You may decide that in order to be the leader you were meant to be you need to work on developing one attribute, many attributes, or all attributes.
Determining Your Mission
Great leaders determine what drives and motivates them and how they want to spend their energy. They don't waste time on projects that they don't believe in and go "all in" on projects that they do. Great leaders align their mission to the leadership positions they hold and to the organizations in which they work. In this section, you will determine your own mission and how your mission aligns to that of the superintendent. Further, you will be able to determine how to align your mission to that of a potential employer.
Realizing Your Values
These leaders realize what is important to them in their life and work. They invest in those things and ensure that what they value is in the forefront of all they do. Their values are blueprints for their actions. This section will allow you to determine your core values and reflect upon what type of position and organization would match with those values.
Ignoring Your Weaknesses and Focusing on Growth
No one person is good at everything, not even great leaders. Great leaders identify their strengths and leverage them to accomplish wonderful things. They understand the "power of yet," and embrace that they might not have a certain skill or strength yet, but are not afraid to invest in their own growth to learn new and innovative ways to reach their goals. This section will focus on understanding your character strengths and how those strengths can be leveraged to grow areas in which you may not feel as confident.
Validating Relationships
Great leaders spend time on developing relationships that validate them and help them achieve their goals. They develop relationships with various stakeholders and consider their points of view but ultimately do not engage in ongoing negative relationships. In this chapter, you will learn about the different stakeholders with whom you will interact and the importance of developing relationships. You will also reflect upon ways to develop those relationships.
Engaging Organizational Strategies
Highly effective leaders develop systems for organizing their lives and work. They hold themselves accountable to timelines and goals, and follow through on their commitments. This section will introduce you to organizational strategies that will help manage the many tasks you will need to complete.
Reasoning and Analysis to Make Decisions
When making decisions, highly effective leaders use reason and analysis to ensure their decisions solve the problem at hand. They consider all reasonable alternatives and then make decisions that address the needs of the primary stakeholder(s).
Self-Care
Highly effective leaders take care of themselves. Leadership is an exciting position to be in, but it can also be equally draining. Leaders must take care of their needs of rest, rejuvenation, and relaxation in order to be of use to those they serve.