How To Finding Potential Friends?

Finding Potential Friends

The first step in making is to look for some possible candidates. That’s not a surprising place to start, but it’s where some lonelier people get stuck. They don’t put themselves around enough potential new friends. This chapter covers the two main ways to find prospects: drawing on your current contacts and meeting new people. 

Draw on your current contacts 

Drawing on your current contacts won’t apply if you’ve just moved to a new area and don’t know anyone, but often you’ll already have the seeds of a social life around you. You don’t necessarily have to go out and meet dozens of strangers. 
Finding Potential Friends The first step in making is to look for some possible candidates. That’s not a surprising place to start, but it’s where some lonelier people get stuck. They don’t put themselves around enough potential new friends. This chapter covers the two main ways to find prospects: drawing on your current contacts and meeting new people. Draw on your current contacts Drawing on your current contacts won’t apply if you’ve just moved to a new area and don’t know anyone, but often you’ll already have the seeds of a social life around you. You don’t necessarily have to go out and meet dozens of strangers. It’s often easier to turn existing contacts into full-fledged friends than it is to scrounge up new ones. You might already know a handful of people who could end up becoming part of a new social circle: people from work or your classes who you get along with, but whom you’ve never hung out with; acquaintances you’re friendly with when you run into each other, but who you never see otherwise; friends of people you know who you’ve clicked with when you met in the past; people who have shown an interest in being your friend in the past but you never took up the offer; people you very occasionally hang out with who you could see more often; friends you’ve fallen out of touch with; cousins who live nearby and are close to your age. Meet some new people Getting more out of your current relationships can go a long way, but that isn’t always an option. Fortunately there are countless possible places where you can meet new people. Before listing them, here are some points to keep in mind when starting the search for new friends: You’ll likely have to force yourself out of your routine and make meeting new people a priority. Some lonely people fall into a rut where if they’re not at work or school, they’re comfortably settled in at home. If that describes you and you want to make friends, you have to shake things up and get out more. You may need to add some more social hobbies to your calendar or push yourself to get out and do things in the evenings when you’d normally be relaxing by yourself. You may have to try a few different spots for meeting people before one works. Finding new friends is often one of those situations where 20 percent of your efforts will get you 80 percent of the results. You may go to several meet-ups, classes, or events, and they’re all busts, but then you easily meet a ton of fun people at the next one you go to. Don’t get discouraged if you sign up for a club or two and don’t see much potential in the other members. Definitely don’t universally declare clubs “don’t work” as a way to meet friends. Just try different ones. Realize lots of places where you can meet people aren’t perfectly set up to facilitate connections, and sometimes you’ll have to make the best of the so-so hand you’ve been dealt. Don’t hamstring yourself by looking for the ideal set of circumstances. For example, you may sign up for some art classes and feel there’s not enough opportunity to get to know anyone because students are always coming and going and there aren’t a lot of chances to talk during the lessons. You’ll have to decide whether the situation is ultimately stacked against you and you should try elsewhere, or if you could make a few adjustments to make it work (for example, showing up earlier to give yourself more time to chat with your classmates). Features of good places to meet people Some places to meet new friends are better than others. The more of the following that apply to a place, the better: It allows you to meet people you have a lot in common with, naturally get along with, and are the types of possible friends you’re looking for. It’s somewhere where the situation breaks the ice for everyone and naturally gives them reasons to talk to each other. It allows you to be a long-time member or a regular and reliably see the same people several times so you can get to know them in a gradual, low pressure way. It offers more than a five-minute chance to chat with people and then never see them again. It has a core of regulars, but new people continually enter the mix. Places to meet people The following list offers suggestions of where to meet people, keeping in mind the features listed in the previous section. The easier places are roughly listed toward the top. through your current friends, significant other, and other people you already know your job school classes if you’re religious, through your faith (for example, meeting people at your church, temple, or mosque; joining an association for Sikh students at your college) a club or organization a sports league a recreational / hobby class a volunteer position if you’re a parent, through your kids (for example, meeting other parents at a playground; the parents of your child’s friends) through your living situation (for example, hanging out with your roommates and meeting their buddies; inviting a neighbor over for dinner) your extended family (for example, hanging out with a cousin and meeting their friends) an individual sport where you can arrange to train with or compete against new people online, through sites like Meetup.com, or meeting up with members in a forum you frequent through a solitary hobby that you can make social (for example, forming a book discussion group) through having something to offer other people (for example, you’re good at graphic design so you approach your student association and offer to do their event posters for them) a job where you get to be friendly with the public (for example, working in a gaming store) through any sport or hobby where people congregate at certain spots (for example, a skate park) bars or pubs (for example, showing up and playing some friendly games of pool with the other patrons) a part of town where people from your scene reliably hang out crowded places (for example, a small bar with music, comedy, or poetry readings, where someone may ask to sit at your table) various one-off events, like a multicultural food festival by chatting to strangers in public How to find events and clubs to join in your community If you’re looking for places to meet people, an underappreciated skill is knowing how to find interesting events and clubs in your area. It’s also useful when you’re planning events with people and want to find something fresh to do. Most communities have more going on in them than you may realize. Even when you believe you’ve found everything there is to find, you’ll continue to discover new activities and be surprised at how much you missed. Change the range of your search area, depending on the size of your community. If you live in a gigantic city, you may want to limit yourself to just the downtown or your surrounding neighborhoods. If you live in a really small town, you should look within your several-town region. After you’ve established the area where you want to look for events, here are some ways to find out what’s going on: search engines (for example, “[your city] event listings”, “[your city] dance lessons”, “[your city] softball league”) event listings in newspapers, both mainstream and alternative weeklies event listings on classified ad sites event listings on community center or community agency websites event listing on your town’s official website sites like Meetup.com websites and social media accounts of venues, like concert halls and artsy cafes, that hold events if you’re in school, its listing of its clubs, teams, and organizations walking around your city and keeping an eye out for things to do (it’s funny what new things you’ll notice when you specifically look for them) flyers posted around the city bulletin boards in grocery stores, coffee shops, bookstores, and the like libraries (to find out about their own events and to check out any bulletin boards they have) a specific organization’s website (for example, to find a listing of local Toastmasters groups in your area) travel guides for your own city people you know (sometimes you’ll do all the searching in the world, and then a coworker will tell you about a festival you somehow missed) Approaching and getting to know people After you’re in a place with some prospective friends around, you need to strike up conversations and try to get to know them (refer to the book’s previous section for more advice on that area). Realistically, you won’t hit it off with everyone you interact with, but if you’re in an environment that contains enough of your type of people, you should get along with at least a few of them. Maybe you’ll connect right away, or you may warm up to each other through smaller interactions spread over a few weeks. Either way, after you click with someone, you could say you’re now friendly acquaintances or that they’re context-specific “friends” (for example, work friends). The next step is to invite them out and make plans.


It’s often easier to turn existing contacts into full-fledged friends than it is to scrounge up new ones. You might already know a handful of people who could end up becoming part of a new social circle: 
  • people from work or your classes who you get along with, but whom you’ve never hung out with; 
  • acquaintances you’re friendly with when you run into each other, but who you never see otherwise; 
  • friends of people you know who you’ve clicked with when you met in the past; 
  • people who have shown an interest in being your friend in the past but you never took up the offer; 
  • people you very occasionally hang out with who you could see more often;
  • friends you’ve fallen out of touch with; 
  • cousins who live nearby and are close to your age.

Meet some new people 

Getting more out of your current relationships can go a long way, but that isn’t always an option. Fortunately there are countless possible places where you can meet new people. Before listing them, here are some points to keep in mind when starting the search for new friends: 
  • You’ll likely have to force yourself out of your routine and make meeting new people a priority. Some lonely people fall into a rut where if they’re not at work or school, they’re comfortably settled in at home. If that describes you and you want to make friends, you have to shake things up and get out more. You may need to add some more social hobbies to your calendar or push yourself to get out and do things in the evenings when you’d normally be relaxing by yourself. 
  • You may have to try a few different spots for meeting people before one works. Finding new friends is often one of those situations where 20 percent of your efforts will get you 80 percent of the results. You may go to several meet-ups, classes, or events, and they’re all busts, but then you easily meet a ton of fun people at the next one you go to. Don’t get discouraged if you sign up for a club or two and don’t see much potential in the other members. Definitely don’t universally declare clubs “don’t work” as a way to meet friends. Just try different ones. 
  • Realize lots of places where you can meet people aren’t perfectly set up to facilitate connections, and sometimes you’ll have to make the best of the so-so hand you’ve been dealt. Don’t hamstring yourself by looking for the ideal set of circumstances. For example, you may sign up for some art classes and feel there’s not enough opportunity to get to know anyone because students are always coming and going and there aren’t a lot of chances to talk during the lessons. You’ll have to decide whether the situation is ultimately stacked against you and you should try elsewhere, or if you could make a few adjustments to make it work (for example, showing up earlier to give yourself more time to chat with your classmates). 

Features of good places to meet people 

Some places to meet new friends are better than others. The more of the following that apply to a place, the better: 
  • It allows you to meet people you have a lot in common with, naturally get along with, and are the types of possible friends you’re looking for. 
  • It’s somewhere where the situation breaks the ice for everyone and naturally gives them reasons to talk to each other. 
  • It allows you to be a long-time member or a regular and reliably see the same people several times so you can get to know them in a gradual, low pressure way. It offers more than a five-minute chance to chat with people and then never see them again. 
  • It has a core of regulars, but new people continually enter the mix. 

Places to meet people 

The following list offers suggestions of where to meet people, keeping in mind the features listed in the previous section. The easier places are roughly listed toward the top. 
  • through your current friends, significant other, and other people you already know 
  • your job 
  • school classes 
  • if you’re religious, through your faith (for example, meeting people at your church, temple, or mosque; joining an association for Sikh students at your college) 
  • a club or organization 
  • a sports league 
  • a recreational / hobby class 
  • a volunteer position 
  • if you’re a parent, through your kids (for example, meeting other parents at a playground; the parents of your child’s friends) 
  • through your living situation (for example, hanging out with your roommates and meeting their buddies; inviting a neighbor over for dinner) 
  • your extended family (for example, hanging out with a cousin and meeting their friends) 
  • an individual sport where you can arrange to train with or compete against new people 
  • online, through sites like Meetup.com, or meeting up with members in a forum you frequent 
  • through a solitary hobby that you can make social (for example, forming a book discussion group) 
  • through having something to offer other people (for example, you’re good at graphic design so you approach your student association and offer to do their event posters for them) 
  • a job where you get to be friendly with the public (for example, working in a gaming store) 
  • through any sport or hobby where people congregate at certain spots (for example, a skate park) 
  • bars or pubs (for example, showing up and playing some friendly games of pool with the other patrons) 
  • a part of town where people from your scene reliably hang out 
  • crowded places (for example, a small bar with music, comedy, or poetry readings, where someone may ask to sit at your table) 
  • various one-off events, like a multicultural food festival
  • by chatting to strangers in public

How to find events and clubs to join in your community 

If you’re looking for places to meet people, an underappreciated skill is knowing how to find interesting events and clubs in your area. It’s also useful when you’re planning events with people and want to find something fresh to do. Most communities have more going on in them than you may realize. 

Even when you believe you’ve found everything there is to find, you’ll continue to discover new activities and be surprised at how much you missed. Change the range of your search area, depending on the size of your community. If you live in a gigantic city, you may want to limit yourself to just the downtown or your surrounding neighborhoods. 

If you live in a really small town, you should look within your several-town region. After you’ve established the area where you want to look for events, here are some ways to find out what’s going on: 
  • search engines (for example, “[your city] event listings”, “[your city] dance lessons”, “[your city] softball league”) 
  • event listings in newspapers, both mainstream and alternative weeklies 
  • event listings on classified ad sites 
  • event listings on community center or community agency websites 
  • event listing on your town’s official website 
  • sites like Meetup.com 
  • websites and social media accounts of venues, like concert halls and artsy cafes, that hold events 
  • if you’re in school, its listing of its clubs, teams, and organizations 
  • walking around your city and keeping an eye out for things to do (it’s funny what new things you’ll notice when you specifically look for them) 
  • flyers posted around the city 
  • bulletin boards in grocery stores, coffee shops, bookstores, and the like 
  • libraries (to find out about their own events and to check out any bulletin boards they have) 
  • a specific organization’s website (for example, to find a listing of local Toastmasters groups in your area) 
  • travel guides for your own city 
  • people you know (sometimes you’ll do all the searching in the world, and then a coworker will tell you about a festival you somehow missed) 

Approaching and getting to know people 

After you’re in a place with some prospective friends around, you need to strike up conversations and try to get to know them (refer to the book’s previous section for more advice on that area). 

Realistically, you won’t hit it off with everyone you interact with, but if you’re in an environment that contains enough of your type of people, you should get along with at least a few of them. 

Maybe you’ll connect right away, or you may warm up to each other through smaller interactions spread over a few weeks. Either way, after you click with someone, you could say you’re now friendly acquaintances or that they’re context-specific “friends” (for example, work friends). The next step is to invite them out and make plans.
By on